My dirty little secret

I’ve got a dark SECRET that I’ve never admitted until now. So I’m just going to broadcast it online for the WORLD to read.

There are times when a good FRIEND, an acquaintance or just a random person will announce their happy, exciting news. Maybe a job promotion, a new house, an amazing vacation, a marriage, a pregnancy, a weight loss or a new look.

And although I will genuinely be HAPPY for this person, deep down I’ll also feel a pang of jealousy, anger, envy, sadness and disappointment.

These dark thoughts make me feel like a TERRIBLE person and have me questioning my own happiness. Although, I’m a very happy person and if I don’t already have what I want in life I’m working towards it.

These thoughts are so uncomfortable and CONFUSING because I know I’m not a mean or spiteful person and I truly wish the best for everyone. So why can’t I allow other people their own SUCCESS and happiness?

This disturbing habit of mine has always made me feel really DISGUSTED with myself. Until…I heard about lack mentality. The lack mentality is a thought that there is not enough to go around and that if one person scores a piece of the pie then there is less for me to have.

It’s a feeling that I will run OUT of happiness, love, abundance, wealth or health if everyone else has it too. Sometimes it feels as if my SOURCE of happiness could be threatened by another’s joy. When I think about it this way it seems so petty and stupid. Happiness, love and abundance will never EVER run out, there is absolutely enough to go around.

One person’s happiness shouldn’t threaten my state of being. We live in a world where everyone can be happy and that is exactly the kind of world I want to live in.

So now when I start to feel those NASTY thoughts pop in I think of the lack mentality and laugh at the silliness of it all. I realize that I’m not my thoughts and that if I don’t get involved with them they will dissipate.

I’m not sure where this feeling of LACK started for me but I can look back and see other places where it has shown up.

For example, I’ve never liked sharing my food because I have this underlying feeling that there won’t be enough left for me if I SHARE. Again, so absurd. I’ve never gone hungry and don’t foresee that happening.

I imagine if I was talking to a therapist about this they would want to DIVE deeper into my childhood and see where these thoughts originate from. However, I’m not really interested in finding the source.

I’m overcoming the lack mentality by catching myself when these feelings ARISE and shifting my thoughts from lack to abundance. It also really helps to focus on all of the amazing things already in my life and not the things I’m lacking. It always comes down to GRATITUDE.

I’m not sharing this for you all to think that I’m a big JERK that doesn’t celebrate your wins, because I absolutely do and I want to be a part of your successes and happiness.

I’m sharing these thoughts to shed some LIGHT on the darker sides of myself and allow you the space to observe your darker sides as well. Nothing to be ashamed of but rather be AWARE of.

Deep, dark thoughts that surface unconsciously are a PERFECT opportunity to reflect and try to understand yourself better. Take these as opportunities to grow!

In the SPIRIT of self-awareness and growth I’m hosting a free program called 8 Days of Self-Reflection starting September 12th.

It’s so easy to let our day’s fly by without ever PAUSING and taking note of how we feel physically, mentally and emotionally. Life’s BUSY and we’re all doing our best to stay afloat among the numerous responsibilities and all the possibilities. When overwhelm sets in the best way to find your FOCUS again is to reconnect within.

Register HERE to receive an email each morning for 8 days, starting September 12th, prompting you to bring awareness to a specific TOPIC. Every day you will have the opportunity to get to know yourself better.


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